The Last Chapter: Understanding Pet Grief - Part 2

Understanding Pet Grief: An Interview with grief coach Rowan Phill Armstrong

This is the second part of my blog series on pet end-of-life care. For this instalment, I had the privilege of speaking with Rowan Phill Armstrong from Balanced Life Coaching. Rowan offers specialized pet grief coaching and shared insights on the unique grief journey pet carers face.

What inspired you to start offering pet grief coaching, and what keeps you motivated in this field?

Talking with people and discovering how often they felt unable to talk about the loss of their companion animal inspired me to start offering pet grief coaching. Many described their grief as trivialized by family, friends, and colleagues, leaving them isolated in their pain.

I advocate for normalizing these feelings of loss as healthy and essential for mental and emotional well-being. What keeps me motivated is seeing the relief in people’s eyes when they realize their grief is valid and that mourning their beloved companion is not only okay but important.

How do you approach normalizing grief for pet owners, and why is it so important?

I create a safe space where they can talk about their loss without judgment, deeply listening to their grief. Many people tell me that I’m the first person who has truly heard their story. This validation is vital because it helps them understand that their feelings are normal and shared by others. Knowing they aren’t alone in their deep sense of loss is incredibly healing.

What are some of the most common emotions or challenges pet carers face when losing a beloved companion?

Grief is complex, often entangling emotions like guilt and anger. With pets, there’s an added layer because carers often participate in their companion's end-of-life process, such as euthanasia. This can lead to a profound sense of guilt, even when the decision was made out of love and compassion.

Grief also has a way of ambushing you. It might hit while passing a familiar landmark on a walk, seeing a favorite toy, or hearing a song that was playing before they passed. These moments can be painful but are entirely normal, especially in the early stages of mourning.

Are there any particular misconceptions about grieving a pet that you’d like to address?

One major misconception is that grief for a pet is somehow "lesser" than grief for a human. But love is love. For many, the bond with a pet can be even stronger because it’s so intertwined with daily life—feeding, walking, playing, and caring for them from their first day with us until their last.

When a pet passes, the routines we’ve built around their care vanish, leaving a profound void. This is why the grief for a companion animal can feel so intense and should be respected.

What advice would you give to someone who feels guilty about their pet’s passing or euthanasia decision?

Write a letter to your pet. Express your guilt, explain your decision, and share your love. Choosing euthanasia is an act of bravery and compassion—it spares them from suffering while recognizing that you, in turn, will bear the pain of their absence.

You can choose a meaningful way to honor this letter: bury it with your pet, send it to be cremated with them, or burn it as a symbolic release. This process can help shift your relationship with your pet from one grounded in the physical world to one based on memory and love.

How can family members or friends best support someone grieving the loss of a pet?

Start by talking to them—not just about their loss but about life in general. Avoiding the subject can make them feel even more isolated. Share your memories of the pet and invite them to share theirs.

It’s also essential to listen without judgment, advice, or attempts to "fix" them. Grief isn’t something to be fixed; it’s a process to be honored. If they cry, let them—it’s a healthy release. Be patient with the repetitive nature of grief; hearing the same stories multiple times is part of their healing.

What services do you provide, and how can people benefit from working with you?

I offer grief coaching to provide a safe space for people to explore their feelings and find meaning in their loss. Together, we work on building a new relationship with their companion animal—one based on memory and connection.

I also help people prepare for their pet’s passing, especially when euthanasia is involved, by creating plans that prioritize the pet's comfort and the carers' peace of mind. Additionally, as a celebrant, I design rituals to celebrate the pet’s life, which can be incredibly cathartic.

Can you share any tips or exercises that might help pet owners during their grief journey?

Know that what you’re feeling is normal. Sudden tears are okay.

Talk about your pet with supportive people and cherish your memories.

Write letters to your pet, visit their favorite spots, or create a scrapbook in their honor.

Don’t rush. Grief follows its own timeline, and that’s okay.

If you feel stuck, reach out for help—whether it’s a grief coach or your GP.

What do you wish more people understood about the human-animal bond and the grieving process?

The bond between humans and animals is profound and unique. It’s based on unconditional love, a level of dependence, and an unwavering commitment. When that bond is broken by loss, the resulting grief is deep and raw.

People who haven’t experienced this bond may struggle to understand, but I hope they can still respect it. For those who have loved and lost a companion animal, I encourage them to celebrate the incredible connection they shared—it’s a testament to the love that made their loss so painful but also so meaningful.